Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
