hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
