Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
