i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
