Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
