Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
