i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I could fuck to npr.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
