I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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