What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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