you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
