wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
