I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
