when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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