Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I want a musical about memes.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
