you turned your livingroom into a bong?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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