dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
