I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
