i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
