Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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