Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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