I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize