The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
