I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
