I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
