I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
