So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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