I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
