He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
