Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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