This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Well I just put wine in my tea
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
