'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Less talking, more tequila
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Randomize
