If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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