i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
