I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize