I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
