I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
