dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
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