I can feel you judging me through the phone.
He kissed a someone with a penis
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
