I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I didn't notice because vodka
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
