he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
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