ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Never underestimate the power of titties
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