I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
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