Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I understand Curling. That high.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
