Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
