You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
