It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
