Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
