um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
