Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Randomize
