I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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