im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
