Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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