i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
