I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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