nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
