sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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