I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
