So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize