theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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