I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
