WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I wish there were birth control emojis
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
