Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
