if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
