did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
