That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
