I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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