There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
