Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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