just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
