Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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